More cries, questions and anticipations!In not a single economy, system or scheme does any quantity of minuses add up to a plus, nor in any location does even a huge accumulation of wrongs ever remotely begin to equal a right. In addition, acknowledging and forgiving (rather then explaining and excusing) is central to the balance God insists we keep. Closely related to that fact, God’s people are truth-tellers, truth-doers and live truthfully. I remember how I enjoyed learning how to develop solid arguments in my ethics classes in seminary, but of late my logic has become atrociously misaligned, askew and plain out-of-true. Catch my drift here?
Via John the evangelist’s chapter 8, Jesus says the truth will set us free:
31 Then Jesus said to those Jews who believed Him, “If you abide in My word, you are My disciples indeed. 32 And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.”
33 They answered Him, “We are Abraham’s descendants, and have never been in bondage to anyone. How can You say, ‘You will be made free’?”
34 Jesus answered them, “Most assuredly, I say to you, whoever commits sin is a slave of sin. 35 And a slave does not abide in the house forever, but a son abides forever. 36 Therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed.” NKJV
In this passage John’s free - eleutheria - is the same word (this particular blog template doesn’t support Greek) Paul uses in Romans 8:18 For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that shall be revealed in us. 19 For the earnest expectation of the creation eagerly waits for the revealing of the offspring of God. 20 For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of Him who subjected it in hope; 21 because the creation itself also will be delivered from the bondage of corruption into the glorious liberty of the children of God. NKJV
In order to survive, every so often we humans actually need to be in denial for a while about some things, and we humans typically need some understanding of people’s behaviors before we can began forgiving, but denials and lies keep us captive-bound and immobile, so these days, besides revisiting so much of my past behavior as if I’d been on the outside looking in, I’m telling some truths. Therefore:
- yes, I am exceedingly grateful the way my world and life unfolded within that specific time-frame;
- no, people’s exclusionary behavior toward me and my own hateful behavior toward myself (typical and regular examples included, “I don’t need community”; “I don’t need to be treated well”; “I don’t really need volunteer opportunities”; “although this setting is agonizingly painful, I must be ultra-sensitive because no one would treat another person this way”) did not therefore become healthy and loving they became ingredients in the amazingly complex and unanticipated chain of events leading to some grace-filled situations;
- However I may deconstruct or reconstruct everything, and whatever my role and/or others’ roles have been, the truth remains my behavior toward myself has been abysmal;
- Another truth: it has hurt a lot and it still perplexes me.
- Then, there’s been a not unrecent overage of déjà vu...umm...vujà dé...
- As part of my truth I need to have mercy on myself, and as again (I cannot count the number of new beginnings I’ve made, and eventually I stopped telling myself “statistically it can’t happen again”) I move forward toward what I still feel God is calling me to do, I need to realize the same traits, impulses, tendencies (and gifts!) that got me into this di-lemma also have helped sustain me!
- My prayer for myself is that my toughness and resilience will remain and at last I will become free. Amen!!!!!