1. I will be happy to leave behind in 2009 my (1) ongoing daily struggles with the compulsive disorder/ behavior that has cost me too much, although history has demonstrated that's unlikely (but of course in the Power of the Spirit it just may happen). (2) I long to leave behind the solitary journey I never anticipated, either. I'll scatter to the winds (3) whatever else God chooses.
2. My biggest challenge for 2010 will be reweaving something like a networked fabric of connections that will lead me to some social, creative and ministry opportunities. I long for the affirmation of people willing to trust me with their lives and interested enough in my story to hear me out, not consider me a threat and be excited about my gifts and encourage my full participation.
3. I need to turn over to God the years of disappointments, of stories starting to be written then erased, the jobs and living situations signed, sealed and delivered then suddenly not there; the living situations and employment signed, sealed and all but delivered then not there, either; dozens of friendships starting to blossom followed by abandonment and isolation; ministry opps I yearned for, prepared for and could taste only to be told, "no!"
4. If I could achieve only one thing in 2010 it would be and it will be... finally finding a community of mutual welcome and mutual embrace.
5. A picture, poem or song that sums up my prayer for the year ahead is...
The Rising
Can't see nothin' in front of me
Can't see nothin' coming up behind
I make my way through this darkness
I can't feel nothing but this chain that binds me
Lost track of how far I've gone
How far I've gone, how high I've climbed
On my back's a sixty pound stone
On my shoulder a half mile line
Come on up for the rising
Come on up, lay your hands in mine
Come on up for the rising
Come on up for the rising tonight
Left the house this morning
Bells ringing filled the air
Wearin' the cross of my calling
On wheels of fire I come rollin' down here
Come on up for the rising
Come on up, lay your hands in mine
Come on up for the rising
Come on up for the rising tonight
Spirits above and behind me
Faces gone, black eyes burnin' bright
May their precious blood forever bind me
Lord as I stand before your fiery light
I see you Mary in the garden
In the garden of a thousand sighs
There's holy pictures of our children
Dancin' in a sky filled with light
May I feel your arms around me
May I feel your blood mix with mine
A dream of life comes to me
Like a catfish dancin' on the end of the line
Sky of blackness and sorrow (a dream of life)
Sky of love, sky of tears (a dream of life)
Sky of glory and sadness (a dream of life)
Sky of mercy, sky of fear (a dream of life)
Sky of memory and shadow (a dream of life)
Your burnin' wind fills my arms tonight
Sky of longing and emptiness (a dream of life)
Sky of fullness, sky of blessed life (a dream of life)
Come on up for the rising
Come on up, lay your hands in mine
Come on up for the rising
Come on up for the rising tonight
© Bruce Springsteen (ASCAP)
